Okay so here it is.
I'm 42 years old and am looking for the love of the rest of my life. I live in Phoenix, AZ, a city that doesn't quite make it as a city. No culture, a sham of a nightlife, and no history to speak of unless you are Native American and, ugh, who cares about that, right? Thus the name "pseudo-city." Sorry, it is what it is. I am from Philadelphia and have perspective here.
I'm a single mom, and am not at my ideal weight (lost 80 plus pounds in last year and am extremely cute but need to lose another 75 or so before I would be considered HOT by all universal standards), divorced, and newly dating.
Well, not "newly". But some of the stories I have are not even in the REALM of anything I ever thought would happen to me. I have been come onto, come on, came with, and came to with an array of characters that can only be categorized as interesting to say the least. I need to chronicle this because when I do find the love of my life, the forever "one", I need to peek back and remember how bad it really was so I can appreciate what I have. I really hope that day comes soon because internet dating and dating in general is exhausting and soul-sucking. I start over with someone about once a month (sometimes more) and it takes a lot out of you. Why didn't Carrie and Big (from Sex and the City) have this hard a time? Oh, yeah. Because he's a bazillionaire and she is a successful writer who weighs 97 pounds soaking wet. Honestly? One of my tits might have weighed that much at one point.
I guess that you know where I am now, but let's start at the beginning. I will take you to the beginning of the year (2011) and we can move through the parade of lunatics, commitment-phobes, cheap-asses, sociopaths, hygeine slackers, and substance abusers together. Reading about them, trust me, will be way more fun than living through dating them or (god forbid) living through a sexual encounter with any of them. (although I will definitely divulge, in detail, those juicy factoids too. You know - it wasn't all bad - wink wink)
I hope that as I move through the nightmarish world that two things happen: I entertain my delicate readership; and that I meet the ONE. The one man who can light my soul up with his smile and who will be there beside me through thick and thin. The ONE. I know. We all want to meet him. But I will. I get closer every day...but first....we start with The Nipple Clamper. Or, as I like to call him, Mr. January.
